Kill Me Now!
by ditchedbyruby
Summary: When Max and The Flock get captured by The School again, they get something VERY unexpected. Their own FANS! How are they to react to having to share a dungeon with obsessed fanfictioners! Rated T just in case. Something that wouldn't really happen! OOC
1. Surprise!

**(A/N) The beginning of a new Fic! How loverly. I thought of this idea... Okay I don't remember how, but I liked it. I wanted the Flock to be able to see how obbsessed we really are. Anyway, this is the first chapter. There is more to come!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Anywho, please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride characters.**

**Third Person POV**

The Flock had been captured by The School. Again.

Of course they hadn't wanted it to happen, who would? But, none the less, there they were, unhappily being led through many different halls and doors.

They came up to a very big door. A flyboy quickly scanned a card on the small little scanny thingy over by the door, giving them access to go in.

"Oh, great. More high-tech." Total grumbled. Thankfully the flyboys ignored him.

Max silently looked at Fang. He looked back. Neither of them liked the current situation.

_Max, what are we gonna do?_ Max's eyes flickered up to her head as she noticed Angel had been communicating telepathically.

_There's always a plan._ Max thought back encouragingly. Even though she did not have one, she decided to not worry the younger ones.

As Max glanced over her shoulder to where Angel was being pushed behind her, she saw Angel's features twist into those of complete confusion. Max frowned. Before she could send a thought to Angel, Max gasped.

The dungeon looking place they were to be detained in wasn't for only for The Flock.

It was for about a _hundred people_.

Max stood there in shock until a flyboy pushed her along.

But, the people who were currently on the wall, being held by very strong and tight chains didn't look un happy at all. This discombobulated Max greatly.

They were all jabbering with one another happily, acting as if there was nothing wrong being pinned to a wall.

She noticed most of the people who from ages ten to twenty. They all looked fairly normal too.

Suddenly the room was silent.

"MAXIMUM RIDE!!!" They all shouted, looking down at Max with eyes the size of U.F.O.'s. Max jumped back in surprise. _What is going on?_ She thought.

Gazzy was behind Max, and when he was shoved in, they all went crazy again. "GAZZY!" They shouted. He jumped back in shock.

Nudge trailed in and hopped as well. They were various replies to this one such as: "OMG! I know exactly how you feel! I can't stop talking for my life! I mean…" Etc.

Angel walked in and everyone on the wall seemed to 'awwwww'. "Angel! You are soooo cute!" They were all various but somehow in chorus as they all screeched and or adored. Total had trotted in beside Angel, the same reaction he received.

At the next portion, Max believed her eyes to explode.

Iggy walked in and wondered what the noise was about until he nearly jumped a foot into the air at the abrupt shouting of girls.

"OMI! It's Iggy!"

"I LOVE YOU IGGY!"

"You're so HOT!"

"I never thought this day would come!"

"You are the bestest pyro EVER!"

"I'm going to have your children!"

Iggy was surely shocked, but seemed to enjoy the sound.

"Angel?!" Max shouted over the noise. Angel turned to look at Max, her palms placed over her ears. "What _is_ this about?"

"I think they're our fans!" Angel screamed back. Max frowned. Well, _that_ didn't make any sense.

Nothing prepared them for what came next.

Nothing.

Nothing in the world.

No Eraser attack or flyboy attack.

NOTHING.

Fang stepped into the dungeon.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A million girls all screeched in unison, breaking the eardrums of the whole entire flock.

This time Max couldn't even make out what they were all saying it was so fast. She had a confused look about her face, but it was also a look of horror.

Max looked to Fang. He seemed completely shocked considering his mouth was actually _open_. He stared at the wall of people in wonder.

"Wha…?" Was all that escaped his mouth. They didn't have much time to stand there though, for the flyboys pushed them along.

They eventually were hoisted up onto the wall opposite of the crazy fans whom were still jabbering.

Max had enough. "WOULD EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP?!" She boomed. All of the fans were silenced.

"Who the heck are you guys?" She began.

A boy spoke who looked to be about thirteen. "We're your fans, Max." He said, then smiled dopily at Max. She was confused once more.

"Our fans?" Fang asked, eyes narrowed.

"Yuperdoodles!" Shouted a girl who looked to be about twelve or thirteen. "Most of us are from fanfiction. You see, O awesome hottie, the school decided to get rid of you, as you well darn know, but this time they wanted to cut off _all_ connections. And not just from your family, Max. But from your fans and blog too!" The girl finished all in one breath. Max stared.

And stared.

And stared…

"I'm am _so_ totally into this." Iggy said, his mouth quirked up to one side in a smirk that screamed 'Mischievous!'.

Max groaned. "Oh no…"

Let the torture begin.


	2. Who Drugged Him!

**(A/N) Okay, here's the second chapter. I think I'm going to switch from Point of Views a lot, I don't know yet. We shall soon find out…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride.**

Max's POV

"Okay, let me get this straight." I began for the billionth time. "You guys are our fans, and you're here because The School wanted to cut all ties with us, our books, Fang's Blog" – Here I cringed at the screams of many girls (and I think I heard a guy) whom heard me say Fang's name – "and even our fans. And by doing that, they took as many fans as they could?" I asked looking at the same girl who had said 'Yuperdoodles!' previously.

The girl nodded enthusiastically, her pony tail bobbing up and down. I sighed. This was going to be _horrible._

Fang still seemed to be in shock. He stared at everyone on the wall. I'd never seen him this astonished before… Nor had I seen Iggy this perverted;

"So, one of you claims to have my children?"

"Me!"

"No, me!"

"Everyone knows that _I'm _having our kids!"

"If I wasn't chained to a wall, you'd be dead you b****!"

"Hey!" I shouted. "Language! We have children about the dungeon!" The girl who spoke shrunk and nodded. I rolled my eyes. I looked at Fang whom was on the wall next to me. He was still staring.

"Fang." I said, trying to get his attention. "Fang." I frowned. "FANG!" I shouted.

He shook his head and looked at me. "Wha?" He asked. _Oh, great. _I thought. _Now he not only speaks in one word sentences, but not even in full words!_

"Snap out of it!" I said, wishing I had my arms to use so I could slap him. "We need to get _out of here!_"

"I think I want to. This is scaring me." He said, making a side glance at the wall full of people.

I was shocked. Fang just admitted he was scared. Of a bunch of _fangirls_.

I turned my head to the opposite wall and at all the kids on it. "Which one of you drugged Fang?!"

**Okay, I know it's short, but it's late and my parents don't want me up anyway. And I'm tired. But I felt the need to post another chapter so I did. ^_^ Click the review button and then type words like: "That was short but awesome!" Into the thingy and then submit. I shall be happy if you do. Keep in mind I don't do virtual cookies, but I do in fact do virtual CARROTS. ^_~**


	3. Calm Down!

**(A/N) Dude, do you know how flippin' AWESOME it is to go on to Fan Fiction and then have a whole new page of reviews?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, let me tell you this: IT'S THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!!! Anyway. Here is the next chapter. There is just so many different things going to happen! Let's just hope I can remember them all…**

Max POV

Turns out the chick who called Fang, 'O awesome hottie', has an actual _name_. The reason I'm surprised at this fact is cause she's so insane I didn't think you could give her a name. Her name turns out to be Ruby. Two of her friends are here with her: Some chic named Sarah, and then another insane friend who's name is Kimmy. They're all on the wall next to eachother, straight ahead from me.

Oh, and Fang hasn't stopped spazzing out yet.

I sigh.

All the fans were jabbering again, and I felt a headache coming on. I groaned. I will _not_ let this headache happen!

"Everybody just _shut up!_" I shouted. They were all quiet and looked rather scared. I smiled abruptly. "Let's be calm, and have a moment of silence." _So my brain doesn't end up all over you insane freaks._ I added in my head.

There was silence.

For a moment anyway.

"I believe I can fly!" Sang a older looking teenager. His eyes were closed and he was swaying happily from side to side, the chains barely letting him do much. "I believe I can touch the sky!" His voice rang through out the dungeon that I now have come to hate with all of my being.

"Yeah, right." Said Ruby, "This is how it goes: I believe I can fly! I got caught by the FBI! All I wanted was a piece of chicken; all I got was free fried beans!"

I sighed, closed my eyes, and hung my head. What else could I do?

"Alright!" I shouted so they all could hear. "Let's have a conversation. But you may not speak unless you raise your hand." I said, but then noticed that all of us had our arms chained above our heads. That won't work. "Okay, never mind the hand raising idea. Let us simply…" I thought about what they could do in order to speak. "Snort like a pig when you want to talk." I said, then nodded my head in approval of my own idea.

Fang looked at me like I was insane, but then I noticed that considering the fact that I have a flippin' _voice_ in my head, I really might _be_ insane. I ignored him.

"Now," I began, thinking of a topic. "What are your opinions on abortion?"

Ruby's eyes widened. She didn't even snort. "ABORTION ISN'T JUST MURDERING! IT'S MURDERING YOUR OWN KID! IT'S EVIL! EVIL I TELL YOU!" She shouted a bunch of un-comprehendible words after that. Then I was able to understand her for a second. "IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR GETTING KNOCKED UP! DON'T FEEL BAD FOR YOURSELF! DON'T TAKE YOU STUPID TEENAGE PROBLEMS AND REALEASE IT'S WRATH UPON YOUR KID! I SHALL GET REVENGE ON ALL STUPID TEENAGERS _ALIVE_!"

"Okay! Okay! We won't talk about such an upsetting subject, for the girl who belongs in an insane asylum's sake." I said as the shaking of the chains holding Ruby eventually stopped. "Now maybe a calming conversation isn't a good idea…" _Or even exists in this dungeon_ I thought to myself.

It was about three hours of listening to the fans jabber annoyingly that I finally got some shut eye. It was definitely hard, but it happened.

I slept through all the screams I would usually jump at. I guess I lost my light sleeping abilities…

**(A/N) Alright. The next chapter is gonna be pretty funny. Now, remember, it's very OOC, I hope you don't mind. And thank you VERY much for the reviews! They were AMAZING (as previously mentioned). **

**Now, go press Bob. (The review button) **

**xBlackRoses12x and randomanimallover: here are your carrots. *passes out virtual carrots* **

**Thank you again!!!**


	4. The Competition

Fang's POV

Oh, yes. This is good stuff. I'm pretty sure that in order for Max to sleep, she'd have to ignore everything she hears. Thus my plan will hopefully work.

I smiled at the crowd in front of me.

"Alrighty, fans of complete awesomeness. We are going to have a competition." At this the fans began to scream. I shushed them quickly. "But, until we actually begin the competition, you must be quiet." They all nodded.

"Now, we are going to see whom has the most fans. The guys anyway. There will be different category's. First, is pure awesomeness. When I say the name of a guy from the Flock, you will scream if you think they're awesome. Make sense?" I got various nods and uh-huh's from the giant wall of kids.

"Alright, let's start with…" I looked up and pretended to think. "Iggy."

There was much screaming that seemed to break my eardrums. I looked to see Iggy was grinning happily. I nodded,

"Alright! That concludes Iggy Awesomeness Time." I said. The screaming eventually died down. "Now, how awesome do you guys think _I_ am?" I raised my eyebrows and closed my eyes, waiting for the sound of many girl's screams.

There was silence.

I opened my eyes. "You guys get it, right? You scream for how awesome you think someone is." I said. They all nodded in understanding. "So, why aren't you screaming?" I asked, tilting my head to the side in confusion. Ruby blinked.

"Well, if you continue the competition you might get it." Said Kimmy, nodding her head. I frowned.

"Um, okay." I said. "Continuing the competition."

"How awesome is Gazzy?" I said. There were many screams. My frown deepened.

"How bout Fang?" I said.

Silence.

"How bout Total?"

Screams heard all around.

"How bout Fang?"

Silence.

"How bout Iggy?"

"But you already said Iggy." Sarah said, frowning. I let out a breath of air annoyingly.

"Gah! Fine; be that way." I said. "Moving on to the next category: coolness."

"But coolness and awesomeness are like the same thing." Sarah said. I narrowed my eyes.

"No, they're not. Coolness is being slick, smooth, and cool. Awesomeness is being able to…uh…be awesome!" I said. She raised an eyebrow, but questioned no further.

"Anyway. Let's start with Total."

Very many screams.

"And Gazzy?"

Screams.

"And Iggy?"

Screams.

"And me?"

Silence.

"GAH! What is _wrong_ with you people?" I shouted. They all looked at me patiently. "Oh, fine!"

"Now, for the hotness competition. Let's start with… Gazzy."

There were very many screams. Jeez, he's only eight, people!

"How 'bout Total?"

More screams. Okay, he's a _dog_.

"And Iggy?"

I didn't think I would be able to hear again.

"And now, me?"

I got what I didn't expect.

"SOOOOOOOOO HOTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I heard. There were very, _very_, many screams. I smiled in approval.

"Now _that's _what I'm talking about!"

I heard Max stir next to me.

Oh, crap.

**(A/N) Now I like this chapter. It's very hard to do with your friend reading everything you write behind your shoulder and commenting. CURSE YOU KIMMY!!!**

**Kimmy: I'm glad I can be of service. **

**Me: *glare* **

**Anyway, please go press Bob. For Bob is currently emo for he wants to be pressed so badly. Go help Bob. **


	5. Max's Wrath

**(A/N) Okay this is another short one but it's mostly cause of guilt. I felt the need to post SOMETHING, thus THIS is here ^_^ Anywho. It's not that good, but I imagined myself reading it to my brother and I knew he'd like it. So in the end it's funny. I think... Well, is it? *wiggles eyebrows* **

**Disclaimer: *heavy breathing like Darth Vader* Fanfiction readers... I am James Patterson! **

**Fanfiction readers: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!**

**Me: heh heh NOOO I only kid. I do not own Maximum Ride. **

I heard Gazzy cackle.

I heard Iggy crack up.

I heard Nudge and Angel giggle.

I heard Total scoff.

I heard my doom.

"Fang, what's going on?" Max asked me, clearly wondering why she woke up to the fans screaming all over again.

"Um…" I began, biting my lip.

"FANG STARTED A COMPETITION ON WHICH GUY FLOCK MEMBER IS AWESOME-EST AND WHAT YOU WOKE UP TO WAS GIRLS SCREAMING FOR HOW HOT FANG IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I made a mental note to kill Ruby when I got out.

"You _what_?" Questioned Max, glaring at me.

I really felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

"You. Sexist. Piglet!" Max shouted. I hung my head. Why me?

I tuned out her lecture. If only she knew what it was like to be a teenage guy…

I glared at Ruby the whole time. And, instead of cringing back from my stare, she just grinned at me, the _whole_ time.

While I was glaring, I noticed that her friend, Kimmy, was gone. I frowned. I forgot my previous annoyance at Ruby and nodded in the direction of where her friend was. She seemed confused at first, but when she looked to her left to the unoccupied chains, her face fell to one of annoyance and what seemed to be a realization that she usually came to. I cocked my head. She met my eyes and nodded at the corner of our dungeon. I looked.

And there was none other than Kimmy sitting there, some kind of food on her lap. I noticed she had chop-sticks and there was rice and vegetables there… And then a package of something called 'Pocky' next to her.

_What?_ I thought.

I met eyes with Ruby again. She just shook her head. I let it go and continued to glare. She continued to smile.

Through all of this Max was going off. I rolled my eyes. Hopefully she'd get tired and fall back asleep.

Max kept going… And going…

And going…

I repeat: Why me?

**(A/N) Bob is currently lonely down there... Still a little emo button... You know... If you press it... NAPOLEON DYNAMITE WILL COME AND ASK YOU "What the flip was grandma doing at the sand dunes?" hehe Sorry I have that movie playing as i write this... and it just said that so... "Napoleon, like anyone can even know that." hahahahahah I LOVE this movie!!! **

**Yeah press Bob. ^_____^**


	6. For St Fang of Boredom! XD

**(A/N) Okay, I don't own ANY of this! It's all St. Fang of Boredom's!!! She put this in a review so I'm posting it! It's very short but NONETHELESS!!!**

Third Person POV

Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the dungeon/cell/thingy St. Fang of Boredom, aka Saint, was working madly with her OCs, trying to get loose.

"Alright, guys, we've got the plan stright, right?" Saint asked. "As soon as I'm loose, we're gong over there and getting Fang. And Spiffy, we might have to drug him again, so get ready with those tranquilzer darts."

Spiffy nodded.

"And Pooky, have the taser ready, just in case of emergencies..."

Pooky also nodded.

Suddenly, noises were heard down the hall.

"Drat, the Ersaers are coming to check on us! Quick, hide under the box again!"

Pooky and Spiffy dove under a random cardboard box.

"I will not be foiled again..." Saint thought. "Fang is mine, and no Eraser, Whitecoat, Fangirl, or Maximum Ride will stop me..."

"Plus, I have pocky!"

...

Yep, 2:12 in the morning on my b-day, and this is what I'm thinking up...

I'm whacko!Nargles!

**(A/N) HAHHA that my friends ^ would be St. Fang of Boredom!!! HAHA XD She's one of my favorite authors she's right up there with VampiressE12B! (-- Don't think I did that right...)=D **

**WE _LOVE  POOKY AND SPIFFY! "IGGY, I AM YOUR FATHER! "This back scratcher's been like a backscratcher to me!" *falls into a happy heap on the floor quoting St. Fang of Boredom... AGAIN*_**


	7. The End

**(A/N) DUDE! Anyone else read the fifth book?! I was pleasantly surprised, actually. It wasn't too bad. I was very happy with the FAXNESS levels. AWESOMENESS!!! I also know it's been a while since I've posted, but nonetheless! Here I am attempting not to be lazy and finish my fanfictions. **

**Although I kind of just want to cut off seven long years. -_______________- I think I might end it with a "And I knew, that no matter what, I'd always have my flock… my family." Something nice 'n' cheesy. I just kind of wanna END that one. **

**Maybe I'll give it away to someone else… Anyone wanna finish it for me? Please?**

**Also, you are very welcome St. Fang! Your stories are among my favorites! (Right up there with VampiressE12B) Brilliance I tell you! I even told my freakin' DAD about the "NO! This backscratcher has been like a backscratcher to me!" and HE laughed. It takes A LOT to get this guy to LAUGH. Be proud! XD**

**Okay here is the last chapter, folks! Please enjoy! **

I ended up fuming at Fang enough to make me even _more_ tired and fall right back asleep. I was awoken by being pulled down from my chains…

My eyes widened as I noticed my current situation. What was happening? I looked down to see Fang slowly letting the chains holding me up, loose.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We're escaping!" He said, nodding and giving a thumbs up. He thumbsed-up to me with both hands, which meant that he let go of the chain holding me up. Which meant that I fell. Although I would've used my wings, I was pressed against the wall so it was quite hard.

"Aiiiieeee!!!" I squealed as I plummeted toward the stone floor. Fang didn't think too fast so I just kinda landed on him. He got what he deserved.

"Ow." He said, shifting uncomfortably under me.

I looked down at him. "Your fault, mister intelligence."

He glared at me as I got up, but nonetheless we continued our escape.

"How did we get out?" I asked. All Fang did was point to Kimmy, over in the corner munching on some kind of food… What the freakin' heck was pocky?

I shook my head and decided to let it go. I then noticed Fang had a huge bump on the back of his head.

"Fang? What's wrong with your head?" I asked.

"Think about what happened when all of these fans and _me_ are on the same ground." He said. My eyes widened. "Use your imagination." He went on. I suddenly felt very bad for him.

"What about me then?" I asked.

Fang looked down at his watch. "Five, four, three, two –" I was then attacked by fans.

My breath went out with a _whoosh!_ As I was tackled. It was quite painful, I'll have you know.

"Get – _oof!_ – off – _huh!_ – of – _YOW!_ – me!" I shouted desperately, attempting to shove the fans off.

The rest of the Flock was trying to help me get up at this point, shoving fans away from me. When it was mostly clear, I stood up and brushed myself off.

"Now what?" I asked. "Just walk on out?"

"We already hacked into the little computer scanny thingy by the door; we have every door in this building under our control." Said a girl I knew to be 'St. Fang of Boredom'. Why that's her name, I do not know.

"Okay, then." I said warily, wondering how they did that. And to deprive myself from going insane, I just decided that Nudge did it, and not the crazed fans.

I looked at Fang, who shrugged, then looked back at the fans.

Well, mine as well do this the fun way.

"CHARGE!" I shouted as we all charged at the door. I thought it would open automatically, but it didn't. Thus I was the first to run into it with a _thud!_

Fang was smart enough to _not_ run into the sliding glass door, but Ruby, Kimmy, Sarah, and a few others followed in my footsteps. The phrase "Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls." Came into my head.

I will _never_ think of that phrase the same way ever again.

Fang helped me up. "Nice one."

I glared.

"I think I'll go ahead and open the door now." Said St. Fang as her and Nudge worked a little with the scanny thingy. Eventually, the door opened.

_Then_ we charged.

"FOR NARNIA!" I heard Sarah shout behind me. I shook my head.

On our way out, we tackled quite a few whitecoats. I had the privilege of beating one up, which was very enjoyable.

Erasers attempted to tackle us but Kimmy stopped in front of them and said a bunch of mumbo jumbo. They were left in the hallways _very_ confused and drooling.

We ran around and around until, finally, we found an exit. We happily ran through it. When we came up to the gates, we beat up the guards there and then made it through.

We ran until we were out of range, and then we all kind of fell to the ground.

_Wait, why didn't we just fly?_ I asked myself. Then I thought about how I'd feel kinda bad if we just left our fans… But then I noticed that they could've probably handled themselves if they could escape from the school.

When we had all caught our breath, I decided it was time to say goodbye.

"Alrighty, fans." I began. "It's been quite a time, hanging out with you guys in a dungeon – literally. But we must go on, and thus, I bid you farewell, oh crazed demons!" I said as we all jumped into the sky and flew happily away from the screaming fans.

**That night with the Flock…**

Fang awoke in the midnight air, panting. He had had a horrible dream that they had been captured by the school and forced to hang in a dungeon with their crazed fans! Oh, gosh, it was a nightmare!

"Oh, Fang. It was not a dream…" Said a voice behind him. Fang squealed and jumped. Behind him, was something he wished he'd never see again.

"Spiffy!" Fang whispered, shocked. He watched, wide eyed as Pooky the penguin came out from the bushes to stand alongside his all too short friend.

"It was true, Fang. It was true…" The leprechaun and penguin whispered demonically, as they slowly drifted back into the bushes.

Fang whimpered.

He was about to look for Max, when he noticed that she was gone. He looked around frantically, hoping she hadn't been kidnapped again.

When his searched proved to be a failure, he sniffed.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this!!!" He shouted into the night air.

**Where is Max, you ask? Well…**

"And Nudge?"

Many screams.

"And Angel?"

More screams.

"And me?"

Silence.

"What is _wrong_ with you fans?!"

**Bob is emo. Go press Bob. T_T For those of you who didn't get the last part, Max went back and found the fans and did the same exact competition that Fang did. She wasn't really asleep when he had done it, she was just planning...**


End file.
